Well hey yall. And by yall I am referring to the fact that I am sitting in my closet speaking to a row of my three year old’s baby dolls trying to put your faces in my head. Podcasting is an odd experience from my side of the fence because technically I could be speaking to absolutely no one or potentially hundreds of people. So I have these familiar baby dolls set up imagining I am just casually sitting at a coffee shop with other women and we are going around the table introducing ourselves.
But gosh! Just the thought of that actually overwhelms me. Me having to introduce myself. How in the world do you condense 40 years into 20 minutes? But that is the luxury of this ride with all three of us from The Hive. You are going to get so much more than 20 minutes. Yes, it will be short and sweet in real time, but hopefully we will provoke you to think about our words all day long every time we load an episode.
So of the three of us, Lacy, Michelle and I, I am the only Yankee born child of this group. Now my parents got down here as fast as they could after I was born. But techinically, my St Louis, MO transplant parents raised me in a culture they were completely foreign to. They left the metro city life for a small country town in Mississippi that did not even have a stop light. My grandparents, my mom’s parents, bought a farm in Noxubee County and my parents (along with her siblings) followed them. And let’s just suffice it to say that was not a popular decision with my Dad’s side of the family. Big city guy married a farm girl and they had a baby girl. My Daddy wanted to raise me slow and around lots of family. So they packed up everything they owned and prayed to God it would work out. Gosh! Can you even imagine that now? No job. No house. Just an idea that probably got painted in his head as a young boy because he saw the front of a Southern Living magazine or something. But his in-laws bought a farm and there were cousins and his little girl had her whole life in front of her. Best. Decision. EVER!
We lived in that small town for 10 years. But unfortunately, small towns like Macon, MS cannot keep up with neighboring opportunities that are just up the road. Starkville is a college town to Mississippi State Univeristy which means LOTS of education advantages for kids. So in 5th grade my parents moved my younger brother and I from a small private school with maybe 20 kids in each grade to the Starkville public-school system with no less than 400 kids in each grade. Let’s suffice it to say that THIS decision was not a popular decision with ME personally. It literally took me two solid years to recover. Literally I have very few memories of that time of my life because of how traumatic is was to me. However, BEST. DECISION. EVER.
It was in 7th grade when the clouds started to part a little and I was able to analyze myself as an individual. I had grown up around people that were just like me, same socio-economic situation, same church, my closest friends had been my cousins…you get it. Then in 5th grade the rug was literally jerked out from underneath me. All comfort was gone for several reasons. And then at the end of 6th grade, a school councilor asked my parents to have me “tested” for intelligence. The “cool kids” had informed me that that test was for the nerds. And because I was so desperate for anyone to be my friend that I purposefully failed the test. That was the moment my parents realized they had me at the right place at the right time.
From 5th-7th grade I literally had zero friends at school. I mean no one was mean to me, but no one was inviting me over for sleep overs either. My very best friend had always been my girl cousin who was my same age but now lived in a different town than me attending a different school than me. I now lived in a neighborhood that introduced me to a precious friend whose family also attended our church, but she attended the local private school, not MY school so I only saw her on the weekends. So those two years for me where incredibly lonely but looking back, I feel like they were preparing me.
That next year in 7th grade my parents enrolled me, against my will, in the highest level courses that Jr High school offered. I was furious. Not only did they snatch me away from the comfort of my childhood but now as a teenager they wanted me to not have ANY friends EVER at all because I was going to a nerd. BEST. DECISION. EVER.
7th-12th grade is what I can now attribute my conscious identity. Our lives as small children just happen to us. We are a basically a product of the environment our parents place us in. Do we have two parents in the home, are we religious, what and how often we eat, who are friends are, what clothing we wear…But at some point in adolescence we have to make a choice to take our circumstances and develop ourselves. Do we get angry, get sullen, get motivated…My parents knew that I was different and I needed a different kick in the pants that I was not going to give myself. Comfort & familiarity had been my friend, but those days were over. Who I am today was never going to be fully developed in that hay barn jumping around rafters with my cousins. And man, I LOVED that farm and still do. My kids even played in the same creek bed over Thanksgiving with my cousin’s kids. Yes, here in Mississippi it was plenty warm to be soaking wet hand grabbing fish. Coming to the table bare foot, by choice not because we do not have shoes, to eat Sweet Potato Casserole is pretty normal too.
That Thanksgiving meal on that farm every year is so special. And this past year it got me to thinking while I was there looking around the room that every single one of us half southern cousins married full on died in the wool southern people. That is another story entirely. But I have never been more aware of my “half southern” self than this past summer when my middle daughter participated in the leadership program with Miss Mississippi pageant. Her job was to assist and be mentored by her pageant contestant. I thought it was just an honor to be there and be surrounded by such state leadership. Apparently, I missed the “southern momma” memo that those 7 days were meant to make those kids feel like royalty as well. Oops! Y’all, I called my momma and said “what the heck is this?” Of course she had no idea. But you better believe I ran to the local boutiques and got caught up real quick because I sure as heck did not want my “southern belle” card revoked. My husband’s momma though, she knew exactly what was going on and was wondering where she needed to be calling in her payment for the flower delivery.
My husband…I met my husband while attending Mississippi State University. I did not want to go to college. I had entrepreneur goals even then and thought of college only as a place to collect debt. But however reluctantly, I moved into the dorms, with my girl cousin DUH!, got myself three part time jobs, signed a lot of student loan paperwork and got on the hunt for my M.R.S. degree. Look I may not be a southern native, but I caught on real quick what college was really for. College for many southern girls was/is/can be a place to meet your husband, okay? It’s just a fact. And I am a part of that statistic. And it worked for me so I am not going to be ashamed. Actually, we met in the local grocery store, but we had seen each other on campus previously and had lots of mutual friends. Both of us graduated with degrees that neither of us EVER used. My husband went into banking and I went into corporate marketing.
I tell you all of that just to give you a glimpse into my background and to pose the question of nature versus nurture. What attitudes and choices are we born in to versus do we develop versus consciously choose? I have three children of my own and I am a very analytical person, so this concept is very important to me. I want to be a good steward of my children’s early years that I play a part in. I often think what parts of myself would be different had my parents chosen to stay in St. Louis or moved somewhere completely random with no cousins. I approve of my early years so much I have given my own kids a familiar version. We live in the country down a long dirt road among acres of trees where they can fish, get dirty, their only constant playmates are each other and often cousins too and they find out something to do outside when they are bored. My teenage son though is crossing over into the realm where I no longer have as much influence. He talks to me about places he wants to visit, careers he is interested in, ways he likes to spend his free time and I have watched him gravitate towards his own friend group while leaving others as acquaintances. And best he is putting his own world view together that includes his own experiences with God and the political system. As a mom, this is a pretty cool but crazy scary situation unfolding right in front of my eyes. But hey, if I messed it up I have two more kids to get it right with. I mean, isn’t that what first borns are for? Trial and error? Just kidding…sort of.
That was a really long story to tell you that I am an extroverted introvert. I choose to force myself to be extroverted but internally I always want to be home. I have learned that we are no good to others if we isolate ourselves. We were not meant to live in comfort never challenging our boundaries. I am incredibly decisive and preserving. I would almost say it’s a super power, but honestly it is actually the one part of my personality I can say with confidence is a gift. I am a thinker and analyzer to a fault. I love a deep conversation of the meaning of life. And if you really want to rounds and rounds with me, bring up Bible stuff. I love discussing the parts humans play God’s overall creation. I never said I was an expert, I am just saying I like to talk about it with other people, especially people that know more than me or think differently than me. Back to that part about wishing I were home when I am out in public…it is because I have no capacity to just “be”. I cannot be with other human beings and not fully engage in them entirely. To go to lunch with a friend and just veg out is not something I am capable of doing. I am compelled to hear her, to let her be vulnerable, to help her sort it all out and then find a solution together. I have ventured to “the other side” and have tasted the fruit of living in community with other messed up people just trying to figure it out.
If you have never taken a Myers Briggs personality test. Do it! And even better is the Ennyagram. But I also really like the DISC profile. It is based on behavior patterns. Ones you are hard wired for as well as ones you have developed over time. I am hardwired to be a D but have adapted to be an I. That makes me a Dominate Influencer on the DISC profile. This is a part of my personality I wrestle with the very most. I am not a “people pleaser” on any scale, clearly indicated on the Capital D, but I do want to be conscious of the fact that there is a responsibility that comes along with being a dominate personality. Every single personality type has the capacity for leadership. The D just stands out because that girl is just used to being alone. A healthy D is confident and does not feel the need to explain herself. An unhealthy D is insecure and is constantly looking for approval. The I part in the part that I am so very careful with. Influencers carry a heavy weight and can be used for good or bad. As a Di leader, I am well aware of the fact that gangs have leaders too. Leader by positional definition only means the person at the front of the line. By relational definition it means that a person has people following them. I want to pose a different type of leadership. One that hopefully will have followers but many times will have you giving that front position away. John Maxwell, the guru of leadership in my opinion, says there are 5 levels of leadership that all people regardless of whether or not they define themselves as leaders will find themselves in at different points. Many of you are first borns, leader. Some of you are department directors at work, leader. Most of you are parents, leader. Have you ever asked yourself if any of the people that “follow you” do so because they actually WANT to? Would your siblings choose you as their sister? Would your employees choose you as their boss? Would your children choose you as their parent? Whatever positional leadership you find yourself in today, I want you to ask yourself if you are providing a quality that would make it to where those same people would CHOOSE you if given the opportunity. While working for our local chamber of commerce, I brought the Leadercast simulcast to our city two years in a row. That first year’s theme was “Be a leader WORTH following”. That profound concept will never leave my mind.
My name is Elizabeth Casano. I am a first born southern transplant stay at home mom entreprenuer married to a last born southern bred banker. We are both graduates of Mississippi State University and have just recently moved back to that college town. We have three kids ages 13, 10 and 3. My professional background is corporate marketing which led me to contract and network marketing as a career while I raise babies at home. I will never ever declare to be a professional or proficient in any topic we discuss. But what I can promise you is that I have thought a LOT about it, analyzed it to the death and can give you a pretty clear indication of what to expect. YOU are worth investing in and figuring out. Will it be scary, yeah. It is always more comfortable to lay low. But do not settle for only operating at half capacity. You are unique and finding your confidence in leadership is exactly what this world is craving. So Honey, tell your insecurities to Hush and grab ahold of my hand because I want you sitting right beside me at the table when the light bulb goes off in your head and you get real excited about what your next step will be.
Honey Hush Hive 